Breathe In. Breathe Out.

There are moments in life where I forget to breathe. No, I mean seriously, the whole inhale… hhuuhhh… exhale… aaahhhh -thing slides right past me in moments of stress, extreme focus and the big one- roller coasters. Yup. Roller coasters. Just the mere pronunciation of those words puts me in a state of ohsweetbabyjesus panic.


People make fun of me. And you know what I say? Nothing. Yes that’s right I say nothing because I am too busy holding a paper-bag-over-my-mouth-while-viciously- gasping-for-air. I wasn't always this LAME. I used to love death defying events. Whatever it was, I was game. Then somewhere along the way between becoming a mom and getting stuck on a few coasters myself, I developed this insane lack of theme park fun. A couple times my beloved little Kaeley has managed to drag me on a few less than favorable rides like, Tower of Terror. Are you joking me? The name says it all and why on earth would I want to drop myself from 13 stories high?

Let’s fast forward. To present day. The Fair. My 8 year old. Begging me to go on a thrill ride resembling the Big Shot at the Stratosphere in Las Vegas. I realized that my customary, “you’re not tall enough” that ended any conversation was no longer enforcable considering she's now tall enough! So, I watched my baby climb in her seat, legs dangling, fasten up and pull down the harness.

And…. I lost it. OMG! What the heck was I thinking?? Was it the heat? Lack of water and nutrition? The margarita I just downed? Had I lost my mind and gone straight to insanity letting her get on this ride?? I couldn’t breathe… and I pulled her off. “No way!” I said. “What if that thing shoots you off to Heaven, or Outer Space? Then what?” I could see the judgment and dissapointment on her little face. She thought I was from Outer Space. I knew I was defeated.

So I told her I wouldn’t watch. Of course I did. She survived. So did I. Just breathe.

Yes! Your still too short for that scary ride ! Love you angel....

See I may not be from Outer Space afterall....!

Makayla Brooklyn

There is something so very delicious about baby girls. I can’t help but be partial since I am a mommy to a sweet gorgeous girl myself! Meet one of my best friends newborn, Makayla Brooklyn. She is as sweet as she is soft and has every bit of her mommies beautiful genes.

Maybe it was that her Aunti Manda semi resembles a lion with her black crazy curly hair, or the fact that she had a Nikon staring her in the face… Makayla did an awesome job staying awake, and giving her best looks!

I miss you girls already… and I cannot wait to see you again. Makayla my little angel, welcome to the world, where you are adored by so many!

Sweet Baby toes!!

Makayla and Lakai

The Sweetest Thing.....

I would like to formally introduce you to the second love of my life… yes he is a little young for me, I know, but still this little mister has taken my heart on the run! Meet Zane Lucas Eve, my sweet little nephew from Arizona. I met Zane at 17 days old and he is perfect! Unfortunately, I was only able to spend a couple days with him… now back at home, I miss him so!

To my sweet baby boy… you light up my life- i will spoil you rotten and love you forever, all that I ask- is to always be your favorite Aunti.

 

 

 

 

 

TOOL... and some other stuff

It has been a couple weeks since I have the chance to write, I promised myself no matter how hard it was I needed to make a conscience effort every moment I get to put my thoughts on paper. No matter who was or wasn’t reading.


Good things are happening, even if they are on a smaller scale. I have been busy with gorgeous friends, family and new additions to my family. Consider–it-said-and-try-as-I-may-to-prevent-it, but my heart has opened for a secret someone and love has slipped in. Yep, super-mushy-gushy-right-there. On the business side my logo is near being done and I am in the process of investing in much needed new camera equipment and to top, I have had amazing opportunities for photo shoots and other various projects. What more could a girl want? Well… I am certain I could name a few zillion other things I want- new Louboutin’s, a new lens, shopping spree at William Sonoma! Ahh… I’ll stop there!

Today, I will be still and revel over the world and all of those who are a part of mine- who have given me a reason to be happy today and of course given me a reason to love.


Since everything is better with a photo…a secret someone took me to the TOOL concert, and since I didn’t have a picture- I stole one from him. Think he will mind...?

Angel of Darkness- Chey Stepp

The more I got to know Chey, the more I liked her. She's a miniature sparkplug who I would love nothing more than to stick in my pocket and carry around with me. Beyond the dark princess persona, beyond the mystery, is the heart and soul of an exceedingly talented girl.


Chey, I adore you. To the umph power. Thank you SO much for sharing your essence with me on this fabulous photo day! You're amazing but more than that you are strong and fierce girl. You have many dreams to conquer and many more successes in front of you to be in awe over.

I am the wiser to say now: life is about taking your passion and driving it home. I hope to see these many dreams of yours come to fruition- Please don’t give up or give in.

 
              God Grant me the Serenity....

 
 

 
                     Beautiful!

 
                Read the background! From one of my favorite movies...

Happy Birthday Kaeley!

You will always be a baby to me… at 8…14 or 23.


I can feel your soft blonde hair brushing against my knees as you dangling between my legs like a monkey. I picture those piercing blue eyes staring up at me… always so difficult to say no to! I count my blessings every time I hear your sweet voice call me ‘momma’...

With every year your little world grows and changes and you bring around a new sense of joy and accomplishment. As I try my best to grasp onto each memory you give, a new one enters, a bigger one, a sweeter one.

Today you are 8. I have had 8 amazing years with you so far. Kaeley I love you. As the years go on, it may seem  I get harder on you… Eat all your veggies, don’t talk with your mouth full, get all A’s, sit up straight; please know that it is all because I simply adore you and I only want the best for you. I hope you enjoy your day with your dad and grandma at Disney Land...

Happy Birthday my sweets and thank you for eating cupcakes in bed with me !

 
 

Homeless. With Kids.

A couple days ago I was leaving Bristol Farms in Corona Del Mar when I noticed a homeless woman on the sidewalk entrance to the plaza. She looked worn and sad; her hair was long, stringy and dirty. She was holding a ripped cardboard sign that simply read, “Appreciate Yours”. I had to take a second look, when in fact her sign read “Homeless. With kids.” A moment later I realized the mind is a powerful thing, did my eyes deceive me … or was that the point?


The point of this post dearest internet is not what I did, or even if I helped her out that day. The point is how she helped me and unfortunately, how she will never know.

Lately, I have been doing a bit of complaining. I am not exactly content with my current circumstances and although good things make be coming down the pike, it’s always hard to wait for the change and transformation. I have complained about my day job a few times and justifiably so- well I think it’s justified anyway! At the end of the day I am not 100% content, or happy for that matter. I have fleeting moments of complete joy but it not everyday all day. I want my photography career to be there not here and amidst all my wanting I am missing forgetting and sometimes oblivious to what is important.

The best part of that day was running head first into a brick wall of reality, such as this woman, helpless and homeless- who would probably give her left arm and right leg to be me and all my glory… and all I can ponder is being someone else. It seems silly to you I’m sure. But I tend to get envious of others in the industry and their ability to capture moments and document life in ways that I cannot at this point.

This woman, with her sign… was my sign. A sign that we all have our own abilities to rock and in due time it will surface. A sign for me to appreciate mine, and for you to appreciate yours and together we can appreciate ours.

  I love when she kisses me so hard she smushes my face : )

I (heart) Evelynn

Let me start off by saying… I am most appreciative and absolutely blessed by those who I have met while on my photographic journey. Mentors transpire to colleagues who grown to be our friends who later become partners. So, I would like to take a moment and give a lil’ blog lovin’ to my dear friend Evelynn.


It was sitting in a blue gift bag all wrapped in gold paper with a beautiful bow- on top of the box of Manolo Blahniks I had loaned to her the week prior. I was completely surprised! If I would have known about this amazing treat I would have opened the bag earlier! Underneath the pretty wrapping was the new Sex and the City 2 Book- the euphoric smell of the pages detailing all the girls, all the clothes, all the accessories and all of the shoes! The opulence of fashion ; old world meets new. I am so in love with this book!

Evelynn is a huge Sex and the City fan like me. Well, actually she is obsessive- just like me. We buy the shoes, wear the clothes…drink the drinks…and I am certain if we could morph ourselves into Carrie Bradshaw it would have been done already!

Ev, this is the greatest book ever! I read the whole thing the night I finally opened the bag! I had no idea that you slipped this in with such a sweet card. You are a doll and such a beautiful and positive girl. Thank you with all my heart for this precious gift!

xoxo

 

Dior Newsprint

 

Genevieve + Viktor

There are things about a woman that can stop a man dead in his tracks, be it her zsa zsa zoo, her sparkle or her raw beauty. Genevieve possesses it all. I had the pleasure of shooting Lifestyle photos of her this past Sunday and along for the ride was her dear friend Viktor- whom might I add, is one of the raddest guys on the planet! This was the first time I had met the both of them but the click was quick. Genevieve who is not only a make -up artist but is also trying to pursue her dream at modeling and I wish her many successful shoots! I had a blast with these two animated friends including many moments of gut-busting-laughing- it almost made it difficult to shoot!


Thank you both for letting me capture a day of your friendship and of course your beauty!

Viktor- great style and a great face!

Beautiful girl!

 
 
 
 

 
 
  Special Thank You to Nichole Gausman for a wonderful make up job.

On the DL

I am sitting at my desk as I do most days when I write to you dear blog. There is a huge glass wall that connects my office with my bosses. I have an amazing shot through his office of the harbor and I often stare wildly out the window until I am damn near blind from the reflection of the sun off the water. Its hypnotic and I find when I am blind I do my best thinking…


I love laughter- as much as I love love. I love the way it looks and the way it feels. I crave the various octaves depending on product of which the laughter is derived. I laugh loud and I laugh hard. One of my favorite forms of laughter is of the nervous kind. There is something rather saccharine about a nervous laugh from the belly of a beloved fling you haven’t seen in half a year.

He was sweet-with shaking hands he handed me a flower and gift wrapped me with a hug.

We spent the next few hours sitting across the table- me sipping Pomegranate Mojitos- him Jack & Coke- to help transform uneasy to cool.

To protect your privacy I will keep you on the DL… Mr. DL. You know who you are. I want to say thank you. Thank you for many moments of core breaking laughs…. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for seeing a diamond in the rough… and a rose in the ashes.